I Still Miss Someone

Sometimes it hits me--
there in traffic
or when the light starts to fade
And what contortions
sleep often brings.
And I still miss someone.

And I think I see her face.
And the merging of souls.
And eternal connections broken
And the child we'll never know.
And I still miss someone.

And I remember that desperation ride.
When she played Marilyn to my Miller
And the pain of trying to recreate
The thrill of opening night.
And that we had nothing to say.
When the make up came off.
And I still miss someone.

And why is it a small dog
can lay himself out over the pedal
and ask you not to go?
While she sheds tears at the airport--
and you stoically march on
And I still miss someone.

And she came to my doorstep
abused, forsaken, emaciated--
And we shared quite a few tuna tins
And she repaid me in kind.
Til she could regain her claws.
And return to the shadows.
And I still miss someone.

And she says she could be anyone--
And perhaps that is true.
And there's charm in each possibility.
And the eyes wander.
And even when she's there--
I turn away.
And I still miss someone.

And how can you call it betrayal?
When you push her away
And show her the way to another
Instead of giving her what's left of you.
And I still miss someone.

And I'm not sure if we ever met.
So many lifetimes ago.
Or if we ever will again.
In the mists of what may become.
And what contortions
sleep often brings.
And I still miss someone.

And like Beethoven and Rilke
We worship from afar
And try to unlock our melodies
From behind their bars
And try to seduce the moonlight--
And still miss someone.

A Wise Man and a Fool

'Silvio, I gotta go, find out something only dead men know.' Bobby D

Somewhere in the desert, the Wise man had to look away from his computer and give his full attention to the strange man who had just appeared before him, landing in a cloud of sanddust, falling to his knees, and bearing some sort of gifts. One appeared to be a bottle of something, and the other was a small piece of something real shiny.

Startled and darn-near blinded, the Wise Man jumped out of his chair, and tried his darndest to find some equilibrium and sense. When the dust finally cleared and he was able to get it out of his agape mouth, he covered his nose, and yelled:

"Who the hell are you? And don't you ever bathe?!"

The long-bearded one in the dirt, humbly offered up the bottle with trembling hands.

The Wise one continued to hold his nose and strain for comprehension.

''O Holy One, I'm your pupil! Your long-lost pupil! And now I know! I finally know what you were trying to say!!!"

Finally seeing the light, the Wise one yells:

"25 years in the desert and this is all you can bring me!"

Dumbfounded, flabbergasted and totally crushed, the Pupil lowers his head and weeps.

Contemptuously, the Guru rips the bottle from his hand and storms over to a mini-frig and pulls out a bottle of Evian.

"Oh now you bring me this!!! Why not a few years ago???? We could've been rich! Filthy rich!"

The Pupil's weeping is interrupted by confusion.

"Huh?"

"This! This stupid bottle of water!"

"Oh..but it's not water, O Holy One. It's rain. And tears. It's everything. The sum total of all your teachings!"

"And this??? What the hell is this? A diamond?"

'No, Holy One...It's a piece of broken glass."

"A piece of broken glass??? Good God! What am I gonna do with this??"

And he slaps the Pupil across the face a couple of times. And somewhere we hear the delighted squeak of Curly, doing the Curly squeak.

'Oh wait...' the Guru double takes. "You think we could pass it off as a diamond?"

And now the Pupil really weeps....and finally, thru tears:

'O Holy One...what has happened to you?'

The Guru slaps him around a bit more, much to the amusement of Moe, doing the Moe shriek.

'And stop calling me Holy One! What has happened to me? What has--Life, that's what! Get with the program! Things have changed. I need new diapers for, for--they're all in tatters!'

'O Ho--'

Slap.

'Are you married now, Ho--?'

Slap.

'No, I mean for me. A Guru has to look good, you know! Of course, there are all those paternity suits. But that's neither here nor there. Look...the sitar is out of fashion. India and Pakistan have nuclear weapons. The Chinese have got the Dahli Lama by the short hairs. George Harrison is dead. John Lennon, too. They're still starving in Bangladesh..and everywhere else, too!

'And Keith Richards, too?"

Slap.

'Huh? No, not Keith...And don't interrupt me! I'm still your teacher!'

'And what about Abbie Hoffman?'

'Dead. Became Jerry Reubens.'

'Are we still in Vietnam?'

'Huh? No...yes! Hell, yes. We never left. The names change, but everything else remains the same!'

The Pupil sighs.

'But um..Ho--sir...I...your teachings...Now, I...I finally...Don't you remember? Aren't you interested?'

Long silence. And then the Guru jumps up, slips behind a curtain and produces a file.

'Oh yeah! There's interest all right! 25 years of it! I remember! I remember! Do you remember the terms of the promissory note you signed 25 years ago?'

And the Pupil is overcome by some sort of seizure; his limbs flailing wildly, then going limp. His eyes roll back into his head. He's real real gone.

'Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....................'

And now the Guru is forced to do some serious slapping, much to the giggling delight of all the Stooges.

'O no! You've got to repay this enormous debt! No...no..no..no...." Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.

And finally the Pupil returns.

'You gotta go back. There. And...Hey...I got it...You could do stand-up! We could use the laughs. Tell 'em all you know. And bring all your props. And weep a lot. Oh, God, that will have them in stitches!!! And if things get too slow, I can come on stage in my brand new diapers and slap you around a bit!!! You know this dog will hunt! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!"

But now the Pupil really does weep.

And for a long time he ponders his dilemma. To return or not to return?

And the weeping gets louder and louder. And the Guru rolls his eyes.

And I'm not sure if the weeping was caused by the rejection only, or the fact that he'd traded his humanity for an illusion. Or the fact that he really did long for some sort of human contact.

And he pondered his debt to society; and I'm not sure if he really did know anything, or if it was way too simple in its profundity for anyone to understand; or if he was just a lonely deluded fool. He really did want to return and share with the world all that he had found.

But apparently he had gained some sort of wisdom; for he didn't slam the broken glass into the Guru's face; long ago his anger had been replaced by loneliness; his desire with a different type of longing.

Finally, he made his decision, and nodded respectfully to his Guru. He took his props, turned and walked in the direction of humanity. The Guru beamed, thinking his problems were now over. But when he got out into the light, the sun reflected off the broken glass and burned right into his brain. Without thinking, he did an about-face, and returned his Fool's self back into the direction from whence he came.

He didn't even feel the sting of raw vegetables on his back or hear the loud protestations coming from the Wise one.

Run Dog Run

Ain't it just our luck
to be charging full speed ahead
only to find ourselves under the wheels of a truck?
And we are that dog.

Except we arent.
For he follows his instinct
and stays out of the sun.
And we have to know why it is we are running.

And how cruel is that--
to be aware of our Fate
and yet powerless to change it.

So we forget.
And we carry on.
And play the games that we are told.
And divert ourselves with castles in the sand.
Or we don't.
And go mad.
Or resort to Imagination.
And hope it's more powerful than the oncoming truck.

So gather your children all around
and let them teach us
the secrets behind the veil;
and never forget to compliment your neighbor
on a job done well;
and weep if you must
for the lost dimension inside of us
and run Dog run, from town to town
and keep on running--
til it's finally found.

Heart of the Ballad

They say Chet was pushed
we know he fell;
and though it was muted
his hushed tones
betray a rush of blood
and the rhythm of pain
pumping slowly in the veins.

Did we really dance that slow?
or was it not really a dance at all?
Just a drunken kiss on a fragile ledge
And a neverending fall.

Time and time again
he went away.
between the night and the sidewalk.
Time and time again.
he would rise from the cracks
and call her name.

But the light was too blaring
The air too unreal
The Methodone a poor cure
for what the heart feels.

We know he fell.
As i did too.
And he was a fool.
As I am too.
To want.
you.

And we were slain.
Somewhere a piano accompanies
like triumphant waves.
This fall.

And the night is always there.
And it can never be muted.
This blood in the veins.
Or flow too slow.
To the brain.

But now it's all over the sidewalk--
And on every shoe.
The unprotected heart
Kickin' the blues.

The New Devil's Dictionary
(in progress)

"Pacifist (noun): Dead Quaker"--from Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary 1911




Abortion (noun): It's okay, but it takes a lot out of you.

Advertising (noun): That which enables you to choose from many things you don't need.

Agnostic: (noun): One who hedges her bets.

Alienation (noun): A natural reaction to the light.

Anorexia (noun): A shrinking Goddess.

Anthropomorphism (noun): The belief that George Burns will be there when you need him.

Anxiety (noun): A natural reaction to the dark.

Arrogance (noun): The feeling that you know something.

Art (noun): Lies--beautifully packaged.

Atheist (noun): A person obsessed with God.

Believer: One who's not afraid to ask for directions

Beauty: Whatever they say it is; see Anorexia.

Bisexuality: The ability to straddle any fence.

Blogging: Public solipsism.

Bottom Line: Show me the money.

Buddhism: Poor man's heroin.

Bulimia: A reformed anorexic.

Capitalism: The distribution of wealth and power amongst a few cronies.

Civilization: Anything that diverts us from our true needs.

Communism: A total misunderstanding of the nature of man.

Conscience: A lingering superstition that only affects workers.

Conservative: A misguided belief that all men are out to get you.

Culture: The sum total of all that can be bottled and sold for a profit.

Cynic: A hurt Romantic.

Darwinism: Monkey see, monkey do.

Death: All that you can be, Soldier.

Democracy: A misguided notion that all voices are equal

Democrat: An insatiable donkey.

Depression: The realization that you are not who you thought you were.

Desire: That which makes us give us all for a mirage; often in conjunction with Beauty

Dictatorship: The ability to make thousands say Who's your Daddy?

Divorce: The remedy for false advertising; often used in conjunction with Fairy Tales

Education: A scam to keep us off the streets.

Ego: An honorary organ that needs the most stroking.

Enlightenment: See a Shrink.

Epiphany: Shit, the mortgage is due!

Ethics: How much can I get away with? And will I get caught?

Existentialism: A paganistic notion that we are somehow responsible for our own mess.

Faith: A parachute that you hope will have a cord.

Fame: 5000 bloodsuckers that think they know you.

Fear: See Reality.

Feminism: Women getting in touch with their masculinity.

Freedom: A car commercial.

Free will: The illusion that thought is more powerful than opposable thumbs.

Friend: A person who agrees with you; and has yet to betray you.

Freudian: See Sex.

Fundamentalist: One who thinks he's found the Map to the Treasure Chest.

God: See Anthropomorphism.

Greed: What makes the world go round.

Guilt: Remorse when your boy's shoes aren't as nice as his neighbors.

Happiness: The opposite of where we are at any given moment.

Hell: The easiest thing to imagine.

History: That which we are doomed to repeat.

Homosexuality: Far more effective than war at controlling the population.

Humorous (adjective): That which happens to others.

Idealist: A person who lacks experience.

Ignorance: The key to the success of any major republic.

Ilegal Immigration: Damn, you mean we can exploit them here, too?

Illusion: That which helps you get through the day.

Incurable Romantic: A person with a very short memory.

Internet: The last great connection; which enables us to ignore our neighbors and continure our road rage.

Justice: How much you got?

Liberal: A misguided belief that all men are good.

Logic: Anything that comes to the same conclusion as you have.

Loneliness: The feeling that you no longer can torture yourself adequately.

Love: 1) Still the greatest diversion; 2) often used as an excuse for procreation.

Machoism: A feeble attempt to make her momma.

Madness: The inability to laugh at yourself.

Magic: See Modern Accounting.

Major purchase: That which makes us feel alive.

Marriage: The cure for love.

Masturbation: Men getting in touch with their masculinity.

Media: Best value for you entertainment dollar.

News: Electronic rubbernecking.

Orgasm: See Love.

Oxymoron: See Business Ethics.

Papparazzi: Beggars with cameras.

Paradise: Even Dante strained to imagine it.

Paranoia: The feeling that nobody's watching.

Patriotism: The proof that ignorance works.

Peace: A break in the action.

Poets: Writers who can't write writing about what they can't express.

Political Correctness: The fear that somebody might say something real.

Politics: Two men at a urinal trough.

Prenuptial agreement: An implicit agreement with the devil in case the other turns out to be a lie.

Priest: A teacher who devoutly believes in a hands-on approach.

Propaganda: That which makes us feel educated and well-informed.

Progress: Starbucks.

Prozac: Lipstick on a sow.

Psychology: Where we pay to be listened to.

Quality: See Lip Service at a Corporate Board Meeting.

Rapture: A child banging her spoons.

Reality: The truck that has wandered into your lane.

Redemption: The winning of the lottery.

Relativist: No since talking to him.

Religion: Tomorrow's mythology.

Republican: An insatiable elephant.

Responsibility: An evil plot to detract from our hedonism.

Road rage: The freedom to be yourself on this planet.

Rock 'n' roll: Fodder for advertisers.

Romance: A belief in fairy tales; often used in conjunction with Divorce.

Science: Advancements to make the rich richer; see Arrogance.

Self-Help: A billion dollar industry that helps the authors immensely.

Selfishness: The most popular form of masturbation.

Sex: The force that makes us buy certain products; often used in conjunction with Ego.

Sexual Harrassment: A bad opening line.

Sin: A slight against you.

Soul: Heartburn.

Spirituality: See Illusion.

Success: More shit than him.

Testify: (verb): To get down on your knees and do the Funky Chicken.

Them: Us in disguise.

Tragic (adjective): That which happens to you.

Transcendentalism: An idiot who sees infinity in every drop.

Trisexuality: The willingness to try anything.

Truth: That which is relative to your level of understanding..

Values: See Antiquated.

Viagra: A matron's biggest nightmare.

Violence: Repressed fantasies that provide a soundtrack to our road rage.

War: Cutting off many noses to spite one face.

Wisdom: The opposite of arrogance.

Work: Punishment for our lack of ability to imagine paradise.

Work-in-progress: Humanity.