Welcome to Kansas, Dorothy






I dreamed they were following me--these horrible creatures with no hearts, brains or courage. And everything they said actually meant the opposite. And in the name of Freedom, they were monitoring my every credit card purchase, every Web site I visit, every e-mail I send and receive, every academic grade I get, every bank deposit I make, every trip I take, every book I read, every magazine i subscribe to, every event I attend....Oh it was horrible!

Welcome to Kansas, Dorothy...you're safe now!


For anyone interested, I've put together a collection of satires and such in pdf form called Welcome to Kansas, Dorothy, which includes Conversation with Irina, Overheard in the War Room, Cows with Guns, Don't You Know, The New Devil's Dictionary and others.

You have to put this in the browser:

http://raysweatman.20m.com/Welcome%20to%20Kansas1.pdf

Happy Blogiversary, High Water!


'I pulled in to Nazareth, was feeling 'bout half past dead
I just need some place where I can lay my head
"Hey mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"
He just grinned and shook my hand, "No" was all he said

Take a load off, Fanny
Take a load for free
Take a load off, Fanny
And you put the load right on me

I picked up my bag, I went looking for a place to hide
When I saw Carmen and the Devil walking side by side
I said "Hey Carmen, come on, let's go downtown"
She said "I gotta go but my friend can stick around"

Go down Miss Moses, there's nothing you can say
It's just old Luke, and Luke's waiting on the judgement day
"Well, Luke my friend, what about young Anna-Lee?"
He said "Do me a favour son, won't you stay and keep Anna-Lee company?"

Crazy Chester followed me and he caught me in the fog
He said "I will fix your rat if you'll take Jack my dog"
I said "Wait a minute Chester, you know I'm a peaceful man"
He said "That's okay boy, won't you feed him when you can?''

Catch a cannonball now to take me down the line
My bag is sinking low and I do believe it's time
To get back to Miss Fanny, you know she's the only one
Who sent me here with her regards for everyone' The Band, 'The Weight'


On his 1 year blogiversary, George P., like many compassionate souls out there, is feeling the weight, even thinking about killing High Water:

'I can't decide if blogging is killing me or keeping me alive,' he said.

'A little bit of both, I guess' I replied.

How much of the weight of the world tipped toward death and destruction can one person sustain?

How heavy the cross. How light the lies. How much easier just to buy the product. How much more comforting just to believe. How much more comforting not to be thinking at all.

'High water risin', six inches 'bove my head
Coffins droppin' in the street
Like balloons made out of lead
Water pourin' into Vicksburg, don't know what I'm going to do
"Don't reach out for me," she said
"Can't you see I'm drownin' too?"
It's rough out there
High water everywhere' Dylan

Ah, if one could slip away into pristine isolation like Candide at the end of Voltaire's classic novel...

'and if you see somewhere to go, i understand'

Everybody has to deal with pain their own way. Everyone must find their own way to the light.
Both roads can lead to madness.

I don't know much, just this: It never was about results. It never was about changing anyone's mind. It's always been about looking one's self in the mirror.

And when that weight does get too much, it's a great comfort to know, a great buffer against madness, against our own silly hubris to know that compassionate, caring, unique voices like yours, George P., are out there.

So take a load off, Fanny
Take a load for free
And drop by High Water
and cheer this lad on his way...
back to himself

The Average American

(A Reporter approaches the Average American, a personage so wrapped up in the flag that he/she can hardly breathe. An inert figure with purple visage lies nearby with a flag stuck in his mouth.)

Reporter: Excuse me, sir…I’m looking to interview the Average American I can see by your attire that you fit the description. Can you breathe in there?

Average American (mutters something unintelligible)

Reporter: Huh? I can’t hear you there?…perhaps we could give you an air hole there.

Average American (loosens the flag wrapping a bit) Don’t touch me! Don’t you dare deface the American flag! Do you see what happened to that Commie Peacenik?

Reporter: Hmmm…I guess you showed him.

Average American: Stuffed him up good.

Reporter: Wow! What did he do? Was he trying to burn the flag?

Average American: No, he said: Blah Blahh Blah…Peace?.Blahblahh..Peace…blablahblah.

Reporter: I see. Peace…Hmmm…What a thing to say?

Average American: Exactly…And…and…he said that this war is not about Freedom!

Reporter: Hmmm…Well, he won’t be talking about Freedom anymore.

Average American: Nope. Peace neither.

Reporter: So, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Average American: Go ahead.

Reporter: Can you tell me why we should attack Iraq?

Average American: Liberate, you mean.

Reporter: Ummm..go to war with Iraq.

Average American: Damn straight.

Reporter: Why?

Average American: 9-11! Have you forgotten?

(the flag wraps tighter)

Reporter: No sir…I don’t think that’s possible…Do you believe that Saddam Hussein is responsible for 9-11?

Average American: Damn right.

(the flag wraps tighter)

Reporter: What about Al-Qaeda? Osama bin Laden?

Average American: Al-Qaeda, Al-Schmaeda, Osama bin Fuckin With the Wrong People!

Reporter: I see…so you believe that there is a connection between?

Average American: Hell, yeah, there’s a connection. He’s a fucking Arab, aint he?

Reporter: So then you believe that all Arabs are?

Average American (flag getting tighter; choking a bit) Hell no! (pause; chokes) Only Muslims.

Reporter: So then you believe that all Muslims are?

Average American (choking): Evil, yes. Don’t you remember fucking 9-11????
They want to kill us. They killed some of us. They won’t get away with (choking, choking, gasping for air)

Reporter: Maybe you better loosen up on the flag a bit?

Average American: Loosen! Loosen? (gasping)

Reporter (takes out a Swiss Army knife): How bout we make you an air hole?

Average American: Get that…get that away?(gasping)

Reporter: So how many Muslims do we need to kill?

Average American: As many as it takes!

Reporter: What? Can’t hear you? Do you happen to have stocks in Halliburton?

Average American: Huh?

Reporter: Oh, never mind.

Average American: The guy gassed his own people.

Reporter: Do you know that Rumsfeld sold him those chemicals?

Average American: What? You lousy?.(takes a swing, falls down gasping)

Reporter: Do you know that Kissinger had hoped that the Iraqis and Iranians would have destroyed each other during the Iraq-Iran war?

Average American: Huh? (thinks about it? Damn right!

Reporter: Do you believe that Saddam Hussein will kill his own people and blame it on us?

Average American: Yes, the man is evil…evil…he will do any thing to make us look bad. He gassed his own people.

Reporter: Do you believe that our 3,000 bombs per day and our new Mother of All Bomb aka Moaby Dick Cheney’s gonads…will kill innocent civilians, many of them children?

Average American (between gasps, loosening, tightening): This is war, man! People die.
Our bombs are smart! They will not kill civilians. Saddam will kill them! And blame it on us! Collateral damage is unavoidable! This is reality! Live with it. And once we drop a couple of MOABs on them..nobody will fuck with us ever again! Especially that slanted eyed Korean prick!

Reporter: You mean Moaby Dick Cheney’s?

Average American (comes after him again, till he falls down, gasping)

Reporter: Did you know that many literary scholars see Moby Dick, the whale, as representing God?

Average American: Huh?

Reporter: Oh..never mind.

Average American: Listen, you pansy ass commie intellectual…if you’re saying that Cheney thinks he’s God…you are wrong!

Reporter: No, I wasn’t?

Average American: Bush is God!

Reporter: I see…what do you say to the Pope saying this war would be against God’s law?

Average American: The Pope? He aint even Christian. He’s Catholic.

Reporter: Hmm?How about the Methodists being against the war?

Average American: They don’t live in the real world!

Reporter: What would Jesus have done?

Average American: Bombed the shit out of evil! (gasping)

Reporter: What do you say to those who say we are breaking International Law!

Average American: I say Fuck em. Fuck em all! We are Americans. We live in the greatest country in the world. We are self-sufficient, individual, independents. We don’t need nobody. Don’t need their whiny ass opinions or nothing. Don’t need their stupid wines…Don’t need their fucked up Muffins. Don’t need their fucked up cars (well maybe Toyotas and BMWs and Mercedes)

Reporter: We can change their names to Fuckyouota. GWBs and FreerHades.

Average American: Goddamn right!

Reporter: Is this really war when the enemy can't fight back?

Average American: Can't fight back? My God! He's got hidden nuclear weapons, anthrax, smallpox, largepox, tampax, real bad chemical shit, halitosis, 2 assholes, 3 tits, horns, and all kinds of shit...besides, there's always the chance of friendly fire or fucking up...

Reporter: Do you believe American soldiers are adequately protected with their current equipment?

Average American: God damn right! We take care of our own! Look you commie asshole!
This is about Freedom! Protecting our ass from assholes! With Freedom there is responsibility! Without responsibility, there is no freedom. FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM LET FRE?.(chokes totally; the flag is wrapped too tightly; crumples back to ground)

Reporter: Hello? You in there? Shit, does anyone know the Heimlich?

(Crowd around looks at him like he’s crazy)

Reporter: I mean the I'mRich Maneuver?

(Crowd looks at him like he’s crazy; Average American is suffocating)

Reporter: I mean the Freedom Maneuver! (It’s too late; the Average American is dead)

Voice in the Crowd: I think that’s what killed him.

Reporter: Weird.

Handy Reference

Top 30 Bush-Iraq Lies

When the Extreme is Accepted as Normal, Who Can Tell the Difference between Satire and Reality?

Saddam Ready to Kill Iraqis.


The Onion or The Washington Times?

Thank you, George Bush, the Great Leader.

by Paulo Coehlo, author of The Alchemist


First of all, may I thank you for showing all of us the danger which Saddam Hussein represents. Perhaps many of us might have forgotten that he used chemical weapons against his own people as well as against the people of Iran. Hussein is a blood-thirsty dictator, and certainly an embodiment of evil in the world today.


However, that is not the only reason why I am thanking you. In the early months of 2003, you helped show us, sir, many important things about the world, and it is for this that you have my gratitude. I was taught as child to always say "thank you" to someone who has done me a favor, and it is in that spirit that I write these words.


Thank you for showing us all that the people of Turkey and their Parliament are not for sale, not even for $26 billion dollars.


Thank you for showing us clearly the enormous abyss which exists between the decisions taken by leaders of nations and the true desires of their people. Thank you for helping us see with painful clarity that whether it is José Aznar of Spain or Tony Blair of the UK, that our so called elected leaders don’t have the slightest regard or respect for the fact that over 90% of their population are against war. Thank you for allowing us to witness the ease with whichTony Blair was able to blithely ignore the largest public protest held in England in the last 30 years.


Thank you, because your insistence on war forced Blair to go to Parliament with a plagiarized dossier which consisted of notes written ten years ago by an arab graduate student. As a result we were able to witness the unbelievable farce of Blair insisting that these notes represented “proof” gathered by the British secret service.


Thank you for for making Colin Powell descend to the ridiculous by showing the UN Security Council photographs, which a week later were publicly denounced by Hans Blix, the weapons inspector responsible for verifying the disarmament of Iraq


Thank you, because your position on war resulted in the French Foreign Minister, Mr. Dominique de Villepin, in his speech against war on Iraq, being honored by a standing ovation. This is an honor which, if I am correct, has only happened once before in the history of the U.N., and that was during a presentation by Nelson Mandela.


Thank you, because due to your strenuous push for war, for the first time the Arab nations of the Gulf, usually so divided, have found a reason to unite and have recently issued a joint resolution in Cairo condemning your proposed invasion. You have brought about a unity of opinion amongst the arab nations, that they had not achieved on their own.


Thank you, because as a result of your administration’s rhetoric blasting the United Nations as “irrelevant”, even the most undecided and reluctant nations have been inspired to take a position against your country’s attack on Iraq.


Thank you for your extraordinary foreign policy. Attempts to defend your ambitions have caused British Foreign Minister Jack Straw, to attempt to argue a case for a “moral war”, and with each attempt lose more international credibility.


Thank you for attempting to divide Europe, which after a century of war and upheaval has been fighting for unity. This was a warning clearly seen by all of us, and it will not be forgotten.


Thank you for finally managing to achieve what few have managed in the past century: to unite millions of people, across the continents and give them a common cause to fight for, even if that cause is the exact opposite from yours.


Thank you for letting us feel that even if our words are not being heard, they are at least being repeated. This will give us strength in the future.


Thank you, because without your esteemed help, we wouldn’t have known the extent to which we were capable of mobilizing. Perhaps this appears useless today..but it will serve us in the future.


Thank you.


So, now that the drums of war seem to beat with unstoppable ferocity, I want to add an insight, words uttered by an ancient European King to a would-be invader:


“May your morning be glorious and May the sun shine brightly on the armor of your soldiers, because in the afternoon I will defeat you.”


Mr. Bush, thank you as well for visibly trying to stop a movement which has already begun. We will pay attention to the feelings of impotence, and the sensations it arouses within us. We will learn to deal with those emotions, and we will transform them.


In the meantime, may you enjoy your beautiful morning, and all the glory that it may bring you.


Thank you, because I know you will not listen to us, nor take us seriously. Know, however, that we have listened to you and heard you clearly, and we will not soon forget your words.


Thank you, George W. Bush, the great leader!


Many thanks to you.

Gun Control

Terrorist #1: If you take away our nuclear weapons, then only criminals will have them.

All the President's Men: Define criminal.

A Bit of History

From THE U.S. & IRAQ: A HISTORY by Richard Becker


How and why did U.S. involvement in Iraq begin? In all the countless hours of "coverage" (i.e. propaganda) which the corporate media devotes to broadcasting the Bush administration's lies and deceit about Iraq, that simple and crucial question is almost never addressed. And for good reason.

Since its very beginning eight decades ago, U.S. policy toward Iraq has been intensely focused on one objective: Taking control of that country's rich oil resources.

Much More...


The Secret Behind the Sanctions
How the U.S. Intentionally Destroyed Iraq's Water Supply, from declassified Pentagon documents by Thomas Nagy


A Little Future?


Allied bombs threaten a new generation of children with trauma, disease and death


Problems with a 'Painless' War


A Sane Alternative?


Iraq, What Next?

George Partington's Eloquent Late Night Ramble

...Now the cracks are beginning to show, as we push the agenda to the extremes. The breakdown of the community of the American people, the increased militarism, has reached full flower. Community, democracy, humanity, hope – call it what you will – is being bombed and murdered as surely as thousands of innocents have been and will be with America’s military hardware.

No one wants this. No one. Except a handful of criminals. When the laws meant to civilize us have no meaning, we all lose, we all suffer the consequences. How much must we suffer before a new light dawns?

More (March 9th entry)

We'll Save Australia, Don't Wanna Hurt No Kangaroo

Banana Bob of Electric Banana writes:

Down here in New Zealand, we can hardly wait for you take us over.

Our own kiwi burgers no longer exist due to McDs.

Our railway(road) almost has disappeard since being bought by Wisconsin railway company who have run it into the ground.

Our airline is being taken over in a slight of hand by Qantas, Australia. We all know Australia is the 52nd State of the USA after the UK.

Starbucks is trying to drive out the local cafes.

And those damn SUVs are clogging the roads and chewing up our gas.

The TV only seems to show crap programmes from the USA, and we are told that it is the best you have to offer. Gee you TV must really suck.

The radio statations are programmed by purchasing of programme details from some American company.

Come on what do you mean "expanding the American Empire, controlling the World resources and reforming the World in our own image?" Looks like it has been done."

Ah, but Banana, this is but the beginning.....

I wonder how many Germans screamed at the rise of Hitler (only to cower when faced with having to survive) or how many really got off on the power trip? What is the source of American pride? My bombs are bigger than yours? Or the old standby indoctrination since birth: ‘We’re the greatest country in the world.’

Is it just an elite few (backed by a powerful media only slightly less one-sided than a dictatorship)...in favor of this expansion? What if the current administration just came right out and said it:

We are in favor of imperialism. We are in favor of killing not to make the world a safer place, but to make us richer and more powerful (well, at least some of us) Who's with us? Would the conservatives awaken from their victorious stupor? Would they question how far right is too far? Or would they say like Zarathustra :

'YES...YES..For the hundreth time YES. Sheesh, how many times do you want me to answer this one? Are you planning to nag us into changing our answer? Is this the new liberal plan of action? or wait its just a slight variation on whining...'

Oh, and by the way, this is one of the reasons we're in the state we're in today...True political debates were long ago replaced by bouts of name-calling. Spin for our side has long been the order of the day. The truth be damned.

The conservatives have won the propaganda game. They chuckle with glee from nearly every program. You can almost see the blood dripping from their fangs. And where are the cowardly Democrats? As Senator Byrd said: The Senate is hauntingly silent. Fear of not being Patriotic? Or have the conservatives really won? Is this the America they envisioned?

How many people have to die, how much of our rights have to be lost before we wake up to the insanity of this ‘game’ and balance is restored?


There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."

"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."

All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.

Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl' Bob Dylan

Breeding More Terrorists?

An excerpt from the NYT article, 'A Dead End for Afghan Children Adrift in Pakistan' by David Rhodes

The boys are among tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, of child laborers, often refugees from Afghanistan, who toil in garbage dumps, textile factories and food markets across Pakistan. For many of them there is only one way out: madrasas, or Islamic religious schools.

Over the years, madrasas have taken in many of the children at this garbage dump--perhaps several hundred, according to one of the adult workers-- with promises of free food, clothing, education and, most of all, escape. While the specific number may be open to debate, there is no disputing that this dump, and thousands of other squalid workplaces, are prime recruiting areas for schools that the United States has described as potential breeding grounds for Islamic militancy.

Today, an estimated 10,000 madrasas with 1 million to 1.7 million students are believed to exist across Pakistan. Roughly 40 percent of the madrasas are operated by moderate sects and act as legitimate religious charities, according to estimates by Pakistani journalists. But most of the rest, a majority of the madrasas in Pakistan, are operated by the hard-line Deobandi sect. Deobandi madrasas, the birthplace of the Taliban, often represent a different, more radical world.

At the dump, the children ward off wild dogs as they scavenge for trash and sleep on wooden platforms so rats will not bite them.

They are vague about their situations. Shaheen, for one, insists he spends a day with his family every two to three weeks. But Muhammad says they moved here together seven or eight months ago. The two boys were exuberant in describing why they want to be taken in by a madrasa.

"We'll get free food and clothing," Shaheen explained, his eyes brightening at the prospect. "It will make us very happy." Asked about the United States, he said: "I want America to be finished. They destroyed Afghanistan. They bombed the whole country."

More

Via Body and Soul

Plan for the New American Century Exposed (PNAC)?

On first hearing that PNAC was the subject of Ted Koppel’s Nightline, I was happy that somebody in the mainstream had at least picked it up. But that was before I saw the transcript. (Valis also has other pertinent links at this site.)

Bill Connolly of the stellar Thoughts on the Eve of the Apocalypse gives a bit of perspective:

What particularly annoyed me was the way Nightline framed the story. Koppel opened things up by quoting the MacKay piece from the Sunday Herald (which broke the PNAC story, at least in journalistic circles) and Chris Floyd's follow up article on it in the Moscow Times. Koppel basically called both authors conspiracy theorists, which is entirely unfair. Nightline didn't break this story --other folks had to--and now along comes Teddy K. to put the facts straight. That's the way this was outlined.

Koppel then played of this conspiracy theme to introduce a taped segment by one of the Nightline
journalists (Jackie Judd). The rest of the show tears at this conspiracy notion until the audience is left feeling that ol' Bill Kristol and the boys really have American interests at heart and aren't the imperialists they so plainly are (and readily admit, albeit in different words).

Nightline essentially allowed the PNACers to make their case without any significant challenge to their world view. Ian Lustick, a U Penn professor, was presented as a foil, but he popped up very briefly in the taped segment – maybe twice. Bill Kristol was allowed to make his sales pitch, dodged Koppel’s more incisive questions, and was given the liberty to elaborate at length about ulterior details.

The fact that he was interviewed extensively in the taped segment and then went one on one with Koppel afterwards is unacceptable. Nightline could have just as easily aired the pre-taped journalistic piece, then had Kristol on with someone else, someone who was not a PNAC flack. Take your pick: MacKay, Jay Bookman (who wrote the first major American op-ed piece on the PNAC for AJC), Nick Lehmann (he wrote about PNAC even prior to MacKay, for the New Yorker), or Jim Lobe (the AFP reporter who has written extensively on PNAC, frequently for Foreign Policy in Focus), to name just a few options.

Unfortunately, the program served more as political inoculation than anything else. It connected few dots, and led the viewer to believe that a bunch of smart folks were simply contributing these ideas to the foreign policy debate, on a neutral footing, and not actually exploiting historical circumstance and their proximity to the corridors of power to drive through an ideological agenda that has largely been hidden from the official dialogue on Iraq.

Rather than taking a deep, probing look at the PNAC, Nightline can now put it on its list of stories covered. This is not something that deserves 20 mins at 11:35pm. It's the story that needs to be placed at the center of the debate on Iraq, precisely because you can't understand what’s going on now without knowing about PNAC. More or less, this report leaves the viewer with the notion that "there's nothing to see here, folks."

And, as we know, that's hardly the case.