You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy



As part of Equality Florida’s Youth Lobby Day, a group of gay students visited their state representatives, hoping to share their individual stories about the frequency of anti-gay violence in Florida schools. Instead, they got this response from Representative Allen Trovillion:

"God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, and he is going to destroy you and a lot of others."

But wait: it gets better.

Angered by Trovillion’s comments, 58–year-old Pensacola seamstress and mother of five, Margaret Richards, decided to exercise her freedom of speech and give him a piece of her mind.

She sent an email which suggested a "firing squad" would be too good for Mr. Trovillion and blamed him for helping "appoint a dictator to the White House." She also sent electronic copies to President Bush and to Gov. Jeb Bush.

Then came a knock at the door.



It was two U.S. Secret Service agents.

Ms. Richards: (shocked) Can I…ummm..help you…?

Agent 1: Are you Ms. Margaret Richards?

Ms. Richards: Well, I sure ain’t Dorothy from Oz. Who wants to know?

Agent 2: Secret Service, ma’am.

Ms. Richards: Is this some kind of joke?

The two agents stare at each other and look perplexed, as if they can’t quite grasp the concept.

Agent 1: Ms. Richards, we are from the Secret Service.

Agent 2: Do you belong to any terrorist organizations?

Richards: Yes, the PTA.

Agent 1: (writing it down) Is that PETA?

Richards: No…the P..T…A.

Agent 2: The Palestinian Egyptian Terrorists Agency?

Richards: No, the P…T…A!

Agent 1: No Egyptians then?

Agent 2: The Palestinian Terrorist Agency.

Richards: No…No..Palestinians…No Egyptians…No Terrorists…only Parents and Teachers!

The two agents stare at each other and look perplexed, as if they can’t quite grasp the concept.

Agent 2: Ms. Richards, we are from the Secret Service.

Agent 1: Can you show us your stockpile of firearms?

Richards: What???

Agent 2: Your stockpile of firearms.

Agent 1: Where are you stockpiling them?

Richards: Oh…those??? My children took them…God knows what they were planning. You know kids these days.

The two agents stare at each other and look perplexed, as if they can’t quite grasp the concept.
Suddenly, Agent One takes out a camera and takes her picture. Startled by the flash, she hits the deck. Finally, they try to help her to her feet.

Richards: Take your hands off of me! I don’t own a gun. I believe in Gun Control and I don’t fancy Charlton Heston…so there!

The two agents stare at each other and look perplexed, as if they can’t quite grasp…

Agent 2: Ms. Richards…we are from…

Richards: THE SECRET SERVICE! YOU TOLD ME. NOW WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Agent 1: Ma’am…you sent a rather threatening email.

Richards: Threatening??? My God…

(Agent 1’s eyebrows rise at the word ‘God.’ He writes it down)

I've written worse letters to Jeb Bush.

(Agent 2’s eyebrows rise at the word ‘Bush.’ He quickly hands Agent 1 his Red Pen. Agent 1 marks it down)

I've been writing letters to presidents and my elected representatives ever since Nixon - and I called Nixon some pretty choice things and never had something like this happen.

Agent 2: Nixon? So you’ve been threatening Republican presidents for quite some time now. Have you ever been in a mental institution? Are you on medication for schizophrenia? Did you root for Jack Nicholson or Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest?

Richards: No…No..no! Yes, Nicholson…and Billy Babbitt….and the Chief!

The two agents look meaningfully at each other; Agent 1 marks it down.

Agent 2: Ms. Richards, we are Secret…

Richards: SERVICE AGENTS…BIG WHOOP!

Agent 2: (whips out a form): Please sign this.

Richards: What the hell is it?

Agent 2: It’s a form.

Richards: I see that! What the hell is it?

Agent 2: A waiver. You will fill it out…so that we can peacefully search your residence, your medical records and take your computer.

Richards: Peacefully???

Agent 2: You will fill this waiver out.

Richards: I will not!

Agent 2: Ma’am..we are Secret Service…

Richards: Ok, ok…!!!!!!!!! Only if you’ll stop saying that…and get the hell out of here!!!

(she signs out) ARE WE NOT FREE TO EXPRESS OURSELVES AS VOTERS IN THIS COUNTRY ANYMORE.?

Agent 2: Yes…you are. This is the land of the free. And we are…

All together: Secret Agents.



And so it begins….



Meanwhile, George C. Scott and Peter Sellers or is that General Franks and Rumsfeld, who aren't really God, but only play him in real life, plot how to destroy the rest of Sodom and Gomorrah.



While Bush pleads with George Tenet:

Bush: Will you be my Ollie North?

Tenet: Yes, George...I'll be your Ollie North. I'll take the fall for you....for Iraq and 9/11...Every successful administration needs an Ollie North!

Bush: Thank you, George...take one for the team...and you'll be well taken care of...(winks)




View source story
found at From the Inside Looking Out

Hell, No, It Aint Slav'ry

Donning his Captain America garb, President George Bush, aka The Great White Hope, has landed on the continent of Africa, seemingly to kick a little more dictator butt and rid a whole continent of evil.

After rounding up and quarantining the residents of Goree Island to the other side of the island, Mr. Bush gave a rather eloquent Sermon on the Mount, denouncing the horrors of slavery. When it was all over, several dignitaries had to turn away from the cameras to dry their damp eyes. Some even donated quite heavily when the cowboy hat was passed around and the cameras were in their faces.

When asked if he was trying to divert attention from piddling 9/11 investigations,
He replied: No.

When asked if he was trying to avoid those annoying linguistic inquiries into the meanings of the words ‘lie’ and ‘quagmire,’

He replied: Hell no.

When asked if he was trying to draw attention away from plummeting troop morale, he replied:

‘Plummy troop morale? Who the hell said that? When I said Bring em on! Our boys cheered. Don’t you watch Fox News Network? Hey, have you seen that new hot newswoman on CNN? But let me say this. I am here to make a statement. We will not stand for evil. And I will not stand for wimps in the military. There is gonna be some changes made. You see…America’s a corporation. The world is our stomping ground.
America is the product. And military is the labor. And the best corporations know that the best way to make a profit is to farm out labor overseas. Cheap labor, that’s the name of the game. You know you can’t get good help anymore. Not in America. Everybody wants a fair cut. That’s nuts. America did not become the number one Superpower this way. We will not stand for whiny ass military workers!

When asked: Are you saying that you are in Africa to recruit for the military?

Bush: I’m saying that in order for an economy to grow…to globulize…is to expand the military. I’m saying we will do whatever it takes. If our boys caint take the kitchen, they should get out of the heat. Cuz there is many who would fight evil and freedom for much much less. There’s a whole lots of evil in the country of Africa alone.

When asked if he could see the irony of giving a speech about slavery while rounding up the local residents like sheep to the other side of the island:

He replied: Ireny? There aint no ireny. They will be treated well. It aint slavery. It’s working for the greatest Superpower in the history of the world. It’s working for freedom. Hell, no it aint slavery. It’s the exact opposite. They can join the military and fight the good fight to save the world against evil….We’re looking for a few good men, women and chilluns…And we’ll find them.

In other news, the Nuns at Mother Theresa's order said they were seeking copyright on her name and the logo of their order to prevent individuals or organisations using them without permission.

When asked if they were afraid that Bush may try to use Mother Theresa’s name in his conquest over evil,
The Nuns replied; Bring him on.


Meanwhile, a man who fell into a coma 19 years ago while watching a video on MTV of Madonna doing Material Girl, suddenly awakens, looks around, sees the news, realizes his mistake and goes back to sleep.

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