Bush Agrees to Intelligence Probe



With mounting pressure from Republicans and Democrats alike, President Bush has agreed to an intelligence probe.

Bush: How long do I have to wear this stupid head thing?

Rove: At least til after the election, Mr. President.

Bush: Can I at least wear the flight suit again?

Rove: We'll see, Mr. President.

Bush: This is ridiculous. I have it. It's in there.

Rove: Yes, I know, Mr. President. But we've got to be cautious in an election year.

Bush: I do have it, don't I, Karl?

Rove: Yes, Mr. President. You have it in spades.

Bush: Dick Cheney says I have it.

Rove: Yes. Dick Cheney is a wise man.

Bush: Tony Blair says I have it.

Rove: Yes, Tony Blair is a wise man.

Bush: Colin Powell says I have it.

Rove: Yes, Colin Powell is a wise man.

Bush: Donald Rumsfeld says he thinks I have it. He knows i have it. He knows he thinks i have it.

Rove: Donald Rumsfeld is a sage and a poet.

Bush: Fox News thinks I have it.

Rove: Fox News is a superior news source.

Bush: Saddam Hussein was a bad dude.

Rove: A very bad dude, Mr. President.

Bush: So what's the problem? Can't we just ignore it?

Rove: No, Mr. President. But we can delay it.

Bush: Can't we just blame it on Clinton?

Rove: We'll see, Mr. President.

Bush: Will we find the WMD, Karl? Like Cheney said we would.

Rove: We gotta keep looking, Mr. President. Just hold still.

Bush: They're there somewhere.

Rove: Yes, Mr. President. Just hold still, while we keep looking.

Bush: You got something big planned, Karl?

Rove: Oh, yes, Mr. President, you just hold still.

Bush: That Howard Dean is an angry man.

Rove: Yes, Mr. President. Very angry.

Bush: That doesn't look good, Karl.

Rove: No, very bad. You've got to be calm and controlled when you are the leader of the world's largest military.

Bush: Yes, it doesn't look good to be angry. One must fight the axis of evil with a smiling face.

Rove: Yes, Mr. President.

Bush: That Wesley Clark. He hangs out with that um...Michael..what's his name...Michael something...

Rove: Michael Moore, Mr. President.

Bush: That's not good.

Rove: No, he doesn't have a chance.

Bush: Is that Michael guy still doing that movie about me and the Bin Ladens?

Rove: Yes, Mr. President.

Bush: You'll take care of that, won't you?

Rove: Yes, Mr. President.

Bush: Like you took care of O'Neill.

Rove: Yes, we'll take care of it.

Bush: And that John Kerry. He takes Botox and has 200 dollar hair cuts.

Rove: Yes, he's a wimp, Mr. President.

Bush: You'll take care of him then.

Rove: Oh yes. He's a cream puff.

Bush: Saddam Hussein was a bad man.

Rove: Very bad.

Bush: So what's the problem?

Rove: It's an election year, Mr. President.

Bush: Right. And you've got something big planned, right, Karl?

Rove: Yes, Mr. President. We've got fear and God on our side.

Bush: This too shall pass.

Rove: Yes, Mr. President.